Broken promises linger in our mind.

I'm trying. Trying so hard to accept things that come between us, come from me, or come from you. I've finalized that every single time there is good in my life; It's simply because there is also bad coming my way. I know I've done my part in which I regret. You forgave me. I should know better and do the same for you. But just because I've done such things in the past, does not mean it's okay for you to repeat my mistakes. I guess since I've already been through it, I'm able to start my input by becoming angry or not allowing it. I know you think I'm unfair but just try to understand me as well. I might be making such a big deal of something so small but it's actually the thought of it that strikes me. I told myself that I wouldn't care. Very deceiving, but I'm hurt of the thoughts. I just can't seem to get the image out of my mind. You shared something so special with me and for you to just throw yourself at someone.. It hurts. I know the impaired vision and the intoxication of alcohol seems to grab the best in all of us. I want you to know that I understand. The only point I'm getting at is that I'm hurt. I also know you're sorry and you regret it. Mistakes are supposed to make a person stronger. I know that these things make a relationship stronger & I'm willing to stick around even though I'm at my weakest point. The fact that I can't let go of you is actually hurting me too. These are the times I honestly think it's time to move on. It's either I'm too good for you or you're too good for me. There's just something about you that seems to spark my interest. I think it's so hard for me to just move on from you is because of the time length we've been together. I'm not willing to give up about 3 years just for these type of situations. But there's one day when I have to do what I got to do, right? I have no direction. It's even harder when it's your best friend. Because now, Who do I have to run to? I have no one. You're my only one. & For you to not tell me right when it happens, hurts even more. I know it took a lot of courage to tell me. I just can't believe that you would do that. You always tell me to trust you. & Simply when I do trust you, it's been broken. It takes years to build this type of trust with someone.. But just one thing to break it. It also hurts even more to know that we shared an amazing night. Maybe it wasn't best for you to tell me before you left. I just want to say that I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself. How could I let myself love someone who just continues to hurt me.. over and over.