I took another look back at some older posts, I don't think I've been posting anything about what's been really going on with me. so heres a fresh update:
I haven't had the slightest desire to keep going. I can't really keep up with what I do, or how I do-- I just do. I'm probably gonna make this complicated. [this post] because I honestly am confused. As if I'm a puzzle, waiting for my pieces to be put back together.
So many things running through my mind [besides you, hehe].. Don't know where to start..;
-Let's start off with the boys_
My life has always consisted of multiple boys at once. I can't seem to just settle for ONE. and when I do, I usually get too sprung it's not even worth it anymore. Until I actually fell hardest for a specific someone. No names, he knows who he is. Late night creeps, goodnight sleeps, brushed off weeps, and leg sweeps-- All feelgood vibes that ever came from him. I mean, BEST FRIENDS was our label. To me it seems.. Best friends are my everything. but thats a whole different subject.-- anyway, I know what we had was fun and real, but I still don't know whether we're going the right pathway. And so, we try. and we try.. then we try again. I love how i'm so comfortable with him, but I just can't go on like this and that & So I cut it off.
-Secondly, is best friends_
I'm starting to interact with this whole best friend thing. I don't know how else to categorize people in my life. I haven't been able to even keep up with a few of my close friends. But I guess I'm extremely lucky that I have those who I can reconnect and bounce back to if needed. I'm not saying like a rebound or anything but it's kinda like this: You don't talk to someone for awhile, nor see them. but when you do, it's like day one again. you connect within the snap of your fingers, and thats what I love. That means a lot to me, it helps me know that our spark is still there, somewhere. Anyway, I just wanna know if this one girl carla is my best friend, because i really don't know.. even though I label her one. Actually, I just want to know if she thinks of me as one. and same goes with a few other people.. We say we're best friends, but are we really? Help me out on that one.
- PROBLEMS_
As you know,.. or don't[?] I'm the type of person who gets annoyed, mad, and sad easily. I've been hanging out with some new people. and new people have been hanging out with me. And for some reason, they just all clicked with eachother. I'm not one to be bothered by friends being friends with mine, I'm not selfish. But seriously? You know what I'm saying-- I don't need to explain myself. And the whole trying to get close to me and using me to get to other people, I don't need that either. I'm stuck in between wondering "what the fuck? why?" and trying to help here and there. I'm really confused. I don't know what's going on, someone fill me in. I care a lot about people, even if I don't know them as much. I get close, but not too close for me to end up getting hurt. I just feel that lately everyone has been on my ass [not literally] but trying to be my friend, just to get onto the other side. meaning; becoming cristine's friend in order to get her friends. I don't mind, but if you're gonna do that, do it the right way.
AND, i'm tired of people trying to act all cool because they do a certain something.
- "oh i went to a party last night, i got so wasted."
- "i blazed this morning , i'm so faded."
- "jerking is such a stupid dance, i bet i can do it better than you anyday."
.... ETC. You know what i'm saying. Definitely, you're not cool-- Definitely, you're not making yourself look any better than where you stand. So quit trying to be someone you're not. Who am I to say this? It's just common sense, you don't do that -.- Learn how to be yourself, instead of someone other-- It works. I don't always get mad when people say that, Because I understand it's something new for them. but if its a constant motion, it's just not there for you anymore. -10 cute points for youu!!
-School_
I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING HOMEWORK. I haven't been trying.. "I haven't". I don't know how I still continue with passing grades, I KNOW I don't deserve it. I'm scared for the upcoming tests and everything. School is so tiring.. It basically revolves around my world but for some reason.. I don't care. thats my mindset for school. I'm fuckin' up. I feel like such a drop out already, but I don't know how I can just say "si se puede!" haha, it doesn't work like that. & So I'm just really looking for inspiration at the moment. Because it's just. . . Not there for me anymore.
-Praise God_
I praise God for all the days he grants me another day to look forward to. I know I don't do it on the daily, but I'm trying. Today, I left my phone at the bus stop and I started freaking out because "carla jr." is my life hehe. and so i made my friend's sister go check if it was still there, and it was. I went all the way back home just to get it, and I felt like that was such a blessing. I was supposed to go to a party tonight, but I held back from temptation. I was very proud of myself. I knew that going to a party only consists of drinking and whatever. I could have fun without drugs or any type of boost, hah. & So that party didn't phase me, I stayed home and talked on the phone with carla g. I figured if she was missing out on the party, so should I. that's how the system workkkksss! :) Praise God for all these blessings, .. I'm seriously blessed with my family and how everything just seems to go very well. Nothings broken, no broken family, no broken friendships, no broken trusts, everything is all commonsensical. I already have everything I need. and I'm satisfied. that's all I need though.. right?
-Photography_
I'm not really getting anywhere with photography. Shoooot! I don't even do photography. This blog has nothing to do with photography, actually. it's just captured photos that surpass me throughout the day. I take pictures for fun, and take pictures to help you visually see how my days go. sometimes its very disappointing resizing / editing pictures for hours, because it adds onto my question "Why am I doing this?" or what the hell is the point? haha. but I still find it amusing and so do you.. I think. it's just probably sad because everyone expects pictures , and no words. But WHATEVS. I wish I was good at photography, honestly though. I have such a nice camera, but I don't know how to use it. I think I need some inspiration for that too.
I haven't had the slightest desire to keep going. I can't really keep up with what I do, or how I do-- I just do. I'm probably gonna make this complicated. [this post] because I honestly am confused. As if I'm a puzzle, waiting for my pieces to be put back together.
So many things running through my mind [besides you, hehe].. Don't know where to start..;
-Let's start off with the boys_
My life has always consisted of multiple boys at once. I can't seem to just settle for ONE. and when I do, I usually get too sprung it's not even worth it anymore. Until I actually fell hardest for a specific someone. No names, he knows who he is. Late night creeps, goodnight sleeps, brushed off weeps, and leg sweeps-- All feelgood vibes that ever came from him. I mean, BEST FRIENDS was our label. To me it seems.. Best friends are my everything. but thats a whole different subject.-- anyway, I know what we had was fun and real, but I still don't know whether we're going the right pathway. And so, we try. and we try.. then we try again. I love how i'm so comfortable with him, but I just can't go on like this and that & So I cut it off.
-Secondly, is best friends_
I'm starting to interact with this whole best friend thing. I don't know how else to categorize people in my life. I haven't been able to even keep up with a few of my close friends. But I guess I'm extremely lucky that I have those who I can reconnect and bounce back to if needed. I'm not saying like a rebound or anything but it's kinda like this: You don't talk to someone for awhile, nor see them. but when you do, it's like day one again. you connect within the snap of your fingers, and thats what I love. That means a lot to me, it helps me know that our spark is still there, somewhere. Anyway, I just wanna know if this one girl carla is my best friend, because i really don't know.. even though I label her one. Actually, I just want to know if she thinks of me as one. and same goes with a few other people.. We say we're best friends, but are we really? Help me out on that one.
- PROBLEMS_
As you know,.. or don't[?] I'm the type of person who gets annoyed, mad, and sad easily. I've been hanging out with some new people. and new people have been hanging out with me. And for some reason, they just all clicked with eachother. I'm not one to be bothered by friends being friends with mine, I'm not selfish. But seriously? You know what I'm saying-- I don't need to explain myself. And the whole trying to get close to me and using me to get to other people, I don't need that either. I'm stuck in between wondering "what the fuck? why?" and trying to help here and there. I'm really confused. I don't know what's going on, someone fill me in. I care a lot about people, even if I don't know them as much. I get close, but not too close for me to end up getting hurt. I just feel that lately everyone has been on my ass [not literally] but trying to be my friend, just to get onto the other side. meaning; becoming cristine's friend in order to get her friends. I don't mind, but if you're gonna do that, do it the right way.
AND, i'm tired of people trying to act all cool because they do a certain something.
- "oh i went to a party last night, i got so wasted."
- "i blazed this morning , i'm so faded."
- "jerking is such a stupid dance, i bet i can do it better than you anyday."
.... ETC. You know what i'm saying. Definitely, you're not cool-- Definitely, you're not making yourself look any better than where you stand. So quit trying to be someone you're not. Who am I to say this? It's just common sense, you don't do that -.- Learn how to be yourself, instead of someone other-- It works. I don't always get mad when people say that, Because I understand it's something new for them. but if its a constant motion, it's just not there for you anymore. -10 cute points for youu!!
-School_
I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING HOMEWORK. I haven't been trying.. "I haven't". I don't know how I still continue with passing grades, I KNOW I don't deserve it. I'm scared for the upcoming tests and everything. School is so tiring.. It basically revolves around my world but for some reason.. I don't care. thats my mindset for school. I'm fuckin' up. I feel like such a drop out already, but I don't know how I can just say "si se puede!" haha, it doesn't work like that. & So I'm just really looking for inspiration at the moment. Because it's just. . . Not there for me anymore.
-Praise God_
I praise God for all the days he grants me another day to look forward to. I know I don't do it on the daily, but I'm trying. Today, I left my phone at the bus stop and I started freaking out because "carla jr." is my life hehe. and so i made my friend's sister go check if it was still there, and it was. I went all the way back home just to get it, and I felt like that was such a blessing. I was supposed to go to a party tonight, but I held back from temptation. I was very proud of myself. I knew that going to a party only consists of drinking and whatever. I could have fun without drugs or any type of boost, hah. & So that party didn't phase me, I stayed home and talked on the phone with carla g. I figured if she was missing out on the party, so should I. that's how the system workkkksss! :) Praise God for all these blessings, .. I'm seriously blessed with my family and how everything just seems to go very well. Nothings broken, no broken family, no broken friendships, no broken trusts, everything is all commonsensical. I already have everything I need. and I'm satisfied. that's all I need though.. right?
-Photography_
I'm not really getting anywhere with photography. Shoooot! I don't even do photography. This blog has nothing to do with photography, actually. it's just captured photos that surpass me throughout the day. I take pictures for fun, and take pictures to help you visually see how my days go. sometimes its very disappointing resizing / editing pictures for hours, because it adds onto my question "Why am I doing this?" or what the hell is the point? haha. but I still find it amusing and so do you.. I think. it's just probably sad because everyone expects pictures , and no words. But WHATEVS. I wish I was good at photography, honestly though. I have such a nice camera, but I don't know how to use it. I think I need some inspiration for that too.
I've been thinking a lot lately.
Goodnight, Bloggers.
- Cristine Armosilla.
Goodnight, Bloggers.
- Cristine Armosilla.
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